1st prenatal visit!

so today was our first prenatal visit. we got to see our baby today! so exciting especially because he/she finally looks like a baby and it makes it seem real! :) we got to hear the heartbeat, it was 179 and the doctor told us we have a strong baby and that baby is all healthy and growing strong! best news ever. :) yay so exciting we got our little goodie bag of pregnancy info today at our appointment so i spent most the afternoon going thru all of the info and man there is a lot of stuff to learn and money to save, but it is all worth it. we are so excited.  here is a picture of our little one.

Merry Christmas to US!

First let me say i know im a bad blogger, i lost my power cord for my camera so i havent been taking many pictures and i like to blog and post pictures, also our other camera i took pictures on i can't remember how to download the pictures. ugh oh well so with that pathetic excuse for not blogging out of the way lets get to the good stuff.

We have some very exciting news to announce! we are going to be parents! you heard that right :) I am pregnant! yay we are so very very excited about this (and a little scared). I will be 9 weeks this wednesday. i bet you all want to hear our story of how we found out. so here you go.

back in October, all month i had kinda been feeling yucky, but didn't think anything of it until the end of the month, i was looking on my phone at my period tracker(lame i know) and noticed that it said my cycle this month was going to be like 40 days, which is way off, so i got me thinking as to when i was really due for a period. i am normally very regular so looking back i realized i was due to start that next week. so on the 27th of October we had a going away party for one of the nurses i work with that was retiring, so i drove down to st. george that day and at the party i noticed that after i ate i got really nauseous, and then i thougth man i have to pee all the time, and i thought maybe i am pregnant? we had been trying so it was possible. so as i was driving home, i felt so sick i almost threw up while driving, i know gross, but luckily i made it home without any accidents, once i got home i went and got a pregnancy test and took it, little did jesse know taht this is what i was doing. so when he got home from work i showed him the test, there were two lines, one of course was very very light but i had never had this type of result before so in my heart i thought yes! i am pregnant. Jesse was very skeptical and said that we should wait a week and test again, since my period was due. man that was a long week i was so scared i was going to start my period. but come Nov. 1st i tested again, but before that, on Halloween we had a party and i was putting my costume on and man did i feel fat! i was so stinking bloated and my urge to pee had intensified same with the nausea. so that next morning i tested again, and right away i got two bright pink lines :) i texted teh picture to jesse and said im pregnant!

Even after those two pregnancy test i still wasn't very confident that i was pregnant because according to when my last period was i would only be like 4 weeks pregnant and that is very early to be getting a postitive pregnancy test. So i called my Dr. and talked with him, and let him know that in sept i didn't have a period and my period in Oct was very light and short. So he suggested that we come in for a viability scan, and some blood test. so that week we headed in, and he did an Ultra sound, and he saw a very small gestational sac, he said that yes i was pregnant but it was still to early to tell if it was going to progress, so he wanted me to get my blood drawn then come back in 48hrs and get it drawn again and see what my levels were at. so i did, my first labs were not where they should of been, only 5000 andyou want them above 8000. so i was sad and very nervous that this baby wasn't going to grow, but when i went back in to have it checked again they had tripled! so the doctor said come back in a week and we will do another US.

So one week later we go back and see that there is definantly a baby there, we could see the little heart beat going crazy. he said i was 5 weeks adn 5 days along. so my due date is July 11th, 2012. me and jesse are so very excited adn happy to have this child :)

Ok now for the stories on how we told our families, I can't keep a secret and almost spilled the beans many a time over the phone, but i wanted to tell my family when i went up and we were picking up my little brother from his mission, and i felt it fitting to tell them then because this baby is due on Austins bday :) so we were at the airport, Austin had made it out to us, we did the whole hugs, tears, congrats, and when things started to die down and we were about to go, i stopped my family and said i had an annnouncment to make, my dad immediatly blurted out "your pregnant!" i just ignored him and turned to my brother austing and told him that he is going to have a suprise on his birthday this year, that he was going to be an UNLCE! then i burst into tears, everyone was crying and happy, my mom and dad especially.  it was a great day.

now onto jesse's family, we waited to tell them until we were headed up for thanksgiving. we got a card for jesse's mom that sang a song and made a copy of our ultra sound picture (which just looks like a blob) and put it inside. the card said something like congrats, so exciting, way to go, ect. jesse picked it out. so when we got up there that night, it was way late but she was still awake so we went into her room and started to talk a bit then jesse said he had a card for her, she thought it was for turkey day, so as she was reading it she kinda had a confused look on her face, but once she opened it up and saw the picture she was speechless, she just looked at us then asked is this real? we immediatly said yes and she jumped up to give us hugs and kisses. she was so very excited, she said she had been so worried since my surgery that we would have a hard time getting pregnant, and that this is a huge blessing :)  it was a very great night. then the next day we told jesse's sister and her husband the same way with the card, adn they were also very excited for us.

wow long post sorry. but there you go, hopefully i will keep this blog updated with all the baby info, we go in for our first prenatal visit next monday. i think then things will start to feel real, right now it is all surreal, except the nausea and tiredness. i dont get morning sickness i get all day sickness it really sucks and kicks my butt.

I love my Job!

Can I just say that i really really love my job, i am so very greatful that i got this job. It is so rewarding, I love working on the Rehab floor, watching people come in not being able to walk by themselves, or do any of there normal daily cares, and watching them work with therapy and progress is so rewarding, I just discharged a patient that i had the opportunity to take care of for the past month and can i say i just fell in love with her, she is such an amazing woman and i truly admire her strength, she came to us worse for wear, and as I discharged her today we discussed how far she has come, and she told me how greatful she was for me and that i was a great nurse. her husband also gave me a hug and told me how much he appreciated me for taking care of his wife. it really meant alot to me. also today i got a compliment from two different therapist today, one thought i had been a nurse for a lot longer than a year and a half, and told me that i really was doing a great job and that i am an assett to our team. :) also one therapist told me that i did such a good job teaching this patient and her family about trach care and that she is really impressed with me. man it was a crazy day at work but man it made my day, and it made me truly love my job. i just love watching these people progress and seeing how we help them to better themselves. yay for being a nurse today!

here is a picture of my cute new neice ava, and one of me and my momma at our bunco tournament :) so fun.

surgery

Just an FYI, this post is kinda personal and it will be a bit detailed but since im using this as my journal also i want it written down. so if you want to read it go ahead but if you dont i don't care.

Ok so about a year and a half ago i went of birth control for a year, not to try and get pregnant but because it was making me crazy. but during that year i noted that my cramps were getting really bad, and that i was having a lot of pain with ovulation, so after a year of this we decided to go back on birth control to see if it helped. also i thought i had irritable bowl syndrome because anything i would eat would give me a very painful stomach ache. ok so after a year of this i went to Dr. Saunders office to get a check up and go back on birth control. so we put me back on the BC and had me do a food journal so see what is making my stomach upset, well i did that for 2 weeks and did narrow down a bunch of things to cut out of my diet and i did that and was fine for a long time. but about 4 months ago things started to get very painful again, my period were really bad and had become irregular (which ihave never been before). and i started to have a lot of pain during sex. well be not liking to go to the doctor i waited until last month to go in, and that was only because jesse was making me. but i finally went.
     my first doctors apt went ok, he did an ultrasound to make sure i wasn't pregnant or that i didn't have any cysts on my ovaries or ueturus. well that came back ok and all clear, but with all my symptoms and my age he told me that it was most likely Endometriosis.  wow that word scared me. i know what it is and that its common and can be treated but still hearing that you might have it is scary. well when we started discussing my options he basically said get pregnant, or and this is what he recommended was for him to do a laproscopic surgery to make for 100% that i do have Endometriosis and then while he is doing the surgery he can clean out any lesions. well after talking with Jesse and praying we got a very strong feeling that we needed to do the surgery. so we scheduled it, we had to wait a month, so my new insurance would kick in.
     So this last wednesday i went in a 0600 for my surgery. ps all my nurses were awesome! anywho they got me all set up and my IV hooked up, the anesthesiologist came in and talked with me and same with dr. sanders. then they shipped me off to the OR, the last thing i remember is the anesthesiologist telling me he was giving me so propaphol, and then like 2 seconds later i was out! I remember waking up after surgery and having a very hard time breathing and i kinda started to freak, but my nurse was right there and i got a treatment and was much better, i remember thru this whole thing i couldn't open my eyes yet. I was so groggy! then next thing i remember i was back in my room and i was hurting and all i wanted was jesse, the nurses were probably bugged because they would ask how my pain was and i would ask for my husband. haha. but they were great and called him right away to come sit with me. i got some nice dilaudid and morphine and that took my pain right away! well it took me quite a while to wake up fully, i guess i developed a rash during surgery so they gave me some benadryl and man one little pill of that at home knocks me out and they gave me like double that! haha.
     So fast forward to me waking up. Dr. Saunders came in and told me that i did great during surgery, and that i was a really good thing that we did surgery when we did because he found moderate endometriosis. he said that there was alot of scar tissue, and that i had lesions all over my intestines and ueturus. he then went on to say that my ovaries had be fused to my pelvis wall from old scar tissue. so he had to go in and basically rehaul my repoductive system. he also let me know that one of my fallopian tubes looks like it is blocked. :( but that i shouldn't worry that we caught it in time and that i shouldn't have trouble getting pregnant in the future. wow can i tell you that all this information was very overwhelming to me, im so glad jesse was there with me, because he was with it enought to ask all the questions. and Dr. Saunders explained everything so well. but still i was happy but sad witht he news. so happy that we did the surgery because if i let it go i would probably not be able to get pregnant later on in life, kinda mad at myself for letting go so long without getting check. and scared about the blocked tube info. im so grateful that that was the only major problem found.
     so i have three inscisions one in my belly button and two on my pelvic region. and man can i tell you i was in alot of pain for the alst week.  my stomach has been very swollen and bloated, i looked pregnant for the first three days, now i just look fat, but i promise you its still swollen. its been tough recovering because i can't sleep on lying flat on my back, or on my side, i have been sleeping on my couch for the last week because i have to to sit up to be comfortable. which sucks but oh well.  so what does this all mean now? what do i do to keep the endometriosis from coming back, well here is the answer.  i have to get depo leupron shots for 6 months, these shots stop the production of estrogen in my body stopping my periods but it also stops the productions of lesions growing. the down side is that these shots are expensive. :( but the other answer is to get pregnant. and we plan on doing that soon. we are going to do three months of shots then try and get pregnant. and Dr. Saunders thinks that is a good plan because three months gives my body adequate time to heal and recover. so come November we will be trying to get pregnant which im so excited about! i have wanted to have a baby for the last 6 months or so, and we feel like this is our answer adn our time to have a baby. the sad thing is is that once we have a baby we can't wait to long inbetween kids or i can grow more lesions and that can cause infertility so the doctor suggest not waiting more than 2 years between kids. wow im not sure if i ok with that but i will do what i have to do. and plus i have to have a kid first before i worry about that.
     ok so that has been my life for the past few months, hopefully now i won't be in as much pain. im still recovering, definantly not in as much pain as i was, but still in a feeling of uncomfortalbeness and not sleeping well, but after everything he had to repair im ok with having to take a few weeks to recover! but i have to go to bed now because i go back to work tomorrow! so wish me luck!

Colorado Trip 2011

Sorry I have been a horrible blogger. life has been very crazy the last two months. I started my new job at the hospital the end of june, and can i tell you how much I love it! it is such a positive place to work and everyone has been so amazing! they are so very accepting and willing to help me learn, and it is a great work environment, it is so rewarding to watch someone grow and progress. and be able to go back to there homes. this job really makes me appreciate being a nurse!

ok so I dont know what else to update on, jesse had his birthday he is the big 26 now, we also had our 4th year anniversary, both not very exciting this year, i had to work both days, but its all good. we sure do love each other.

So this last week we went to Colorado to visit my mom and dads side of the family, we went to Denver the first few days and then to Salida for the last part to see my dads side.  while we were in Denver we had the opportunity to visit with my nana and popo, my Uncle Will and Vanessa and there amazing kids, Clay and Isabella. these two kids are the cutest kids ever!! we also got to see my aunt Raelynn and Marilyn, and my cousin shyloh. it was such a blast, we went to waterworld, the US's largest waterpark, it was awesome! we had so much fun! it was overcast so of course i forgot to reapply my sunscreen and i got completely fried!! and so did poor jesse. we also had a bunch of fun bbq's with family members. i just love my family so much and i LOVE DENVER! it is one of my most favorite places to go visit. i could live there some day.

then we headed to Salida to visit my dad's side of the family. we got to see my Grandma Green and her new husband Don, then my Aunt Carol and her kids. it was so much fun i really love this side of the family too! we had a chance to visit with them and then we also went white water rafting down the Arkansas river. it was a blast!!! the water was exceptionally high so all our rapids were 3 and 4. it was awesome i love river rafting. then after going down the river we went back to our rented cabin and had a big bbq with our family. it was so much fun, i love my little cousins they are so cute! it was so funny one of the little boys jacob, came up to me and jesse and asked if he was my dad. haha i said no he was my husband and then he asked if we had kids. i said no, and he was like why? and i just said thats a good question. he then proceeded to tell me that when a mommy gets pregnant her belly gets huge! ( he sticks his tummy out. while saying this). haha it was so cute! it was such a fun vacation, im so glad that jesse was able to come out with us and meet more of my family and see how much i love them. they are all so very loving and supporting of us and i just feel so loved by my family.

so now here are some pictures of our vacation! yay, ps jesse cut his hair into a mohawk! enjoy the pics

jesse's 26th birthday

his awesome mohawk

cute baby bella

cute cousin clay

double rainbow in Denver

my nana and popo

cute sister alex

my cousin brandon is serving his mission in Denver and we had the opportunity to take him out to dinner with his companions

clay and braelyn she is a great big sister

jesse said she was adorable! that was a first! and he actually held her adn played with her.

Best news ever!!!

I GOT THE JOB!!!! yay im so excited! I will be working at Dixie Regional Medical Center, 400 W campus on there Acute Rehab Unit!!! I start May 31st, yesterday i went and filled out all my new employee paperwork, and i am so freaking excited i can't wait to start! yay i will post more about it later!!! yay

2nd Job Interview!

so i had given up on this job, that i interviewed for about 2 weeks ago. until last week i got a phone call for a second job interview!!! yaya im so excited! this interview is a group interview with the doctor, nurse manager, a few other nurses and the therapist that work there and basically its to see how well i fit with there team. I am way nervous but i think i will do well! i really hope i get this job it would be really good for me and jesse! yay. well we just also got back from a very short trip to jesse's moms house where we went up for mothers day. it was a nice trip. so i will keep you informed on what it going on :)

JOB INTERVIEW!!!!

I will tell you about my birthday later, but for now i just want to share my good news!

I have a job interview this Friday at 10am!!!! it at Dixie Regional Medical Center and this is the best part its for Labor and Delivery!!!! i am so excited/nervous/freaked out! i really want this position!! its only part time but once i get my foot in the door things will go much easier for me! so everyone keep me in your prayers and wish me good luck! i will let you all know how it goes after friday!!!!!

lifes positive moments

So I have been feeling better since my last post, thank you for all the encouraging words. I still have my down days, but im working on it. also i had the chance to go home and see my family and my best friend get married so that helped me a whole lot. then there was confrence this last weekend and that was very uplifting, i only got to watch the sunday session since i had to work saturday but it is just what i needed.



so here is what happened when we went up north. My best friend Carolyn got married!!! it was such a great experience, I was a bridesmaid which is something we always talked about as kids, and she was one of my bridesmaids so it was neat. and we also got to go to the temple. it made me so happy to be a part of her wedding, she was such a beautiful bride and ben is such a awesome man, she is going to be so happy with him! it was nice to be in on the sealing and think back on when i married jesse and the feelings i felt when i married him, and how its almost been four year! and i am still as much in love with him as i was when we got married. he has been a big help to me these last few weeks, always telling me he loves me.



So cares wedding was a great uplifting experience for me, and i also got to spend one of the days up north with my mom and sister, my sister asked someone to prefrence and needed a dress so we spent all day dress shopping, which was fun, i could tell my sister really enjoyed it, she looked so pretty in all the dresses and it was so fun seeing her face lite up when she found the dress she wanted. she had such a good time at her dance.



after we got home from up north i had to work, and me thinking i was smart picked up an extra shift, so i worked 4 12hour shifts in a row. the first two days were a breeze, and i thought the next two days would be just as easy, well i was wrong. april 1st was a very bad day! it started out great everythign was good, i had finished my morning med pass early, and i thought sweet its going to be a great day! wrong, one of my residents went out for a smoke break and when she came back she was in respiratory distress, she was having a hard time breathing and some really bad chest pain, so i started her on a breathing treatment, and gave her some nitro for the chest pain, well it never got better only worse, so i jumped into nursing mode. she was a DNR, but requested to go to the ER, but she declined so fast that she never got the chance. she pasted away 3 min after the EMT's arrived, it was a very tough experience, she was having a heart attack and it was very scary for her and me. i know i did everything that i was supposed to, and that it was very quick and she wasn't in a lot of pain. its still sad losing a resident, especially when you get to know them, and get close to them, she will be missed. but after watching confrence and hearing the lords message i know she is in a better place, where she is no longer in pain, and with her husband. so that was a very rough day, and then the next day was just as rough. i was still emotionally exhausted adn things just kept getting in the way, but i made it through.

so now i am just relaxing until i go to work again on thursday.

and my birthday is in 5 days!!! yay i dont have to work and my family is coming down so we can go four wheeling its going to be a good week : )

here are some pics of what we have been doing lately, visiting chelsea and ila, cares wedding and other junk.

feeling down

let me just preface that this post is very personal, if you don't want to know you don't have to read it i just have to get these feeling off my chest.

     So these past few months I have been feeling more and more down. I feel that i don't fit in anywhere. I feel like I have no friends, that no one wants to be my friend and that its my fault, or that i am weird or annoying so people dont want to be my friend anymore. I know these feeling are completly stupid and irrational but i can't help but feel this way. I know it has to do with my depression, and i hate the fact that i have depression, and that i have no control over how it makes me feel. I hate feeling worthless and that i have no real purpose. I hate that i live so far away from my family, because right now they are the only ones i know that love me (well besides jesse) and that are truly my friends and would do anything for me. I feel so lonely down here, I hate cedar city right now. I hate that I have 4-5 days off each week, but I have no one to do things with, instead of having a group of girl friends down here and doing things with them, i end up sitting at home alone while jesse is at school, doing nothing, and that doesn't help me feel any better about myself.
     When I was in nursing school, I felt like I got along with a lot of the girls in my class, and truly felt like I had become good friends with some of them, it made me excited to know i had friends down here, and that after nursing school i would have friends to do things with, well i was wrong. I try inviting people to do things and I always get turned down, I can't help but feel left out when i hear about people getting together to do things and me not getting invited. i know this is stupid and i should just be more outgoing and invite people to do things more often, but Im afraid of the rejection. all the close friends i had down in cedar have moved away, and  I have been having a hard time making new friends, I try i really do but i must be doing something wrong. 
     I feel like i dont belong in my ward, I feel like me and Jesse don't fit in because we dont have children, I hate going to church and sitting in relief society having no one sit next to me, it gets really old being the only one sitting by themselves, while everyone else has there friends. I try, I introduce myself when i actually have someone sit by me, i feel that i am a personable person and good friend, and that im easy to get along with, but that doesn't matter i guess. I must admit that because of this i haven't really wanted to go to church, and i haven't been going because when i do go i just don't feel like i belong. this week we actually went, and it just made me feel the same way, no one knows who we are, and i know that is partially our fault because we didn't go very often when i worked nights ( i always worked weekends), but we have been making an effort to go since i started days, i know i should be going, and i want to go and feel of the spirit. but when i do go the only person who knows me is my bishop, I hate smiling at people and getting looks of who is that girl? Sometimes i feel that maybe we should be going to the young married ward, and not a family ward, i might fit in better there and maybe make  a friend. which would be nice. but i love my bishop, and i feel like if i left for that reason it would be all selfish.  I hate these selfish feelings, i hate that i don't want to go to church just for the fact that i don't know anyone. today we had a combined priesthood and relief society and it was one the atonment, it was a very good lesson, and jsut made me realize how much i love my savior, but also how much i really need to be working on. it also made me feel really guilty for feeling this way, i know i have some of these feelings because im not doing everything we are supposed to be doing, but I have felt this way for so long its hard.
     I just want to have a group of girl friends i can do things with, my husband has his group of guy friends and i know they get sick of me tagging along, but I have nothing else to do and don't want to sit at home by myself. and i know they think of me as a friend to but I need some girl friends.  Im sorry that this post is so personal, but i keep this blog as a journal, and I just needed to get these things out, I didn't write this as a pity me post.   I just want people to know its really hard for me to say how i am feeling, that is why writting it down helps me feel a little bit better.  Im sorry this is a depressing post but this is how i have been feeling the past few months and one reason i haven't updated in so long, because really who reads this anyway?