late valentines day post!

So i know this is really late, but considering that i was freaking out the past 2 weeks, i think its ok that i post this late! so me and jesse didnt do anything to big this year for valentines day because we are really poor! but we did make it a goal to go to the temple, so we went on Saturday. it was really nice, it has been so long since we have gone, i forgot how amazing you feel afterwards. I really needed to go and feel the spirit, while we were there i got this overwhelming feeling of comfort and peace, and an answer to my prayers, I had been praying really hard that i would pass my test and that everything would work out for me and Jesse. Well while in the celestial room i got a very strong feeling that things were going to work out and i felt very comforted and confident for my test. well seeing as i failed my test, i was questioning these feelings and was a little angry that my answer wasn't in the way that i wanted it to be. during this past week i had the opportunity to talk to my parents and my bishop and they helped me to realize that this is an answer, jsut not the one i wanted and that i need to look at the bigger picture, that maybe i didn't pass this test because i need to grow spiritually, (because honestly me and jesse haven't been as active as we should be) or that maybe the lord is paving the way for a job, or a way for us to stay in Cedar longer. My dad and bishop (both great men) told me to keep remember the feeling i had in the temple and trust in the lord. well i have been doing that and reading my scriptures and i do feel so much better about the situation, i know that i am capable of passing this test and that i will do it the next time. and that as long as i trust in the lord and stay close to him everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

Sorry that was a longer sidenot than i thought. now back to what we did for our valentines date. so we went to the temple had a great time and after we met up with our friend Amy and Mike and went to eat at the Mongolia BBQ! which is amazing so yummy! then on sunday i made this really yummy crock pot enchiladas (thank you julie for the recipe) Mike and Amy came back over to eat with us then we played some games and they left. then me and jesse played a game of Left for Dead, haha i know zombie game, but its so much fun and what a good way to relieve some stress! i love killing me some zombies!

So that was our Valentines day weekend. this week i have been working lots, helping jesse out at work, but that wont be for much longer because i got to start studying again! but tonight i got in the craft mood, and made a picture frame for my M-I-L and a birthday gift for my sister in law but i will have to wait to post that ;) but yeah im glad to be feeling happy again, and i know jesse is glad to have me back to normal too! he is such a great husband, he watched plenty of chickflicks with me, and got me ice cream, adn some new scriptures (they were my valentines day suprise!) which i love them all!!

oh i also dyed my hair, i dont know if you can really tell, it is a lot lighter but i dont know if the pictures do it justice, its not as light as i would like to go, but one day i will get there.

Everything will be ok....someday.

So on tuesday i took my NCLEX exam. the way the test it done is you either take a minimum of 75 questions or you can take the max of 265. or they stop you in between somewhere. well i was a lucky one to take all 265 questions. it took me 4.5 hours to test, and i felt really confident about my test until question 180 when i realized i would probably be taking the whole test. now this test is the worst test you will ever take. you go in scared out of your mind and you come out feeling like you failed.  well i was trying to stay positive during the test and i was doing ok, it was when i started to get repeat questions and when they kept asking me the same things that i started to lose my confidence. man this test really just kills your soul, you lose all motivation, confidence, and faith in yourself. so i took the test, left feeling like i failed, went back to the hotel saw my mom and started balling.

well the past two night were hard because you dont know how you did, and i was freaking out, i really didnt feel like i passed it, but i kept telling myself i did. well today was the day i got to find out how i did. well i have been home alone since jesse is at work, i know i should of waited for him to get home to find out, but i just needed to know. well i looked and I failed, my whole world came crushing down on me hard. I immediatly started balling, (still am) im so mad at myself, disappointed in myself, im sorry i let my family down. i know they wont say that i did, but i feel like i did. im just so tired of failing, i feel like i have had so many trials this past year with school i dont know if i can handle this last one. i really just wanted a break, i wanted to see that i passed and that i can now go find a job and be a nurse. but i shouldn't of gotten my hopes up because i suck at taking test, i have horrible test anxiety, even with meds i dont do well. i just wish i would of passed so that i could be happy and my family could be proud. I just am so sick of failing, i know this isnt' the end of the world but it sure feels like it. I know i need to be grateful for the fact that i did graduate, and i am. I am so grateful for the opportuinity i have had to go to school and get my degree, but its hard to feel grateful when you dream doesnt come true right away. I know this will be some huge learning experience for me, and that the lord probably has some lesson he wants me to learn, but why can't i jsut have one good thing happen to me right now? i feel like all we get are trials and struggles. we have a hard enought time paying our bills, that me passing my boards and getting a job would of been a huge blessing to us. but i guess i will have to wait. i know things will work out one day, i just wish it was today. im sorry this is so depressing it just is how i feel right now, i really just want to curl up into a ball, and stay there forever. I just am having a hard time seeing the light in this. i keep thinking that maybe this is a sign that i shoudln't be a nurse, i think back on all the struggles i have had during the nursing program and maybe i wasn't supposed to do this. but this is what i know i am meant for! i know im supposed to be a nurse i knwo im supposed to help people! that is just who i am. but why does it have to be so hard? i just want a break i want some thing good to happen to me and jesse. im sorry im wallowing but i need to vent, i need to cry i need to freak out, or else i dont know how i will face the next 45 days until i can test again.

NCLEX exam!

So I take my NCLEX exam on Wednesday Feb. 17th! this is the biggest test i will ever have to take! im so nervous, if i pass this test i get my RN license and i can work as an RN! words can't describe how scared, nervous, anxious, worried I am. I have been studying like crazy and i just keep praying will remember everything that i need to! So if you see me in the next few days and I look like a wreck this is why! please keep me in your prayers, and cross your fingers that I pass!!

Cruise Pictures!

 

Day 1, the nigth before in miami and us watching the cruise ship leave! dont worry my mom didn't drink that beer, it was for joke purposes!

the first dinner! the food was so delicious!!

those two cute girls are maddie and sadie! they are like my second sisters! we had so much fun together!

Half Moon Cay

a beautiful private island, i could definantly stay there forever!

Dinner night number 2!

i was forced to do Karaoke but it ended up being really fun!

first formal night! more karaoke afterwards, we all got up and sang! well not my mom and aunt they were to scared to!

St. Thomas, Sapphire beach

So beautiful there were iguanas, ducks, lizards and we went snorkiling which was amazing!

PUERTO RICO!!

Im in love with all the architecture here, all the buildings are so beautiful i can't wait to go back and take Jesse.

 

More Karaoke

Grand Turk

We went snorkeling with sting rays! we got to hold and feed them!

Second Formal night

these are all our waiters they were so great!

delicious food! especially the fruit and fruit soups!

Legends Night! way fun!

We met so many new people and they were all so nice!

The Everglades, we went here before the airport! it was cool, smelly but cool.

So there is most of my pictures i hope you all enjoyed!

Cruise!

So Last week i went on my cruise, and can i just tell you that it was a blast! we went to half moon cay in the bahamas, St. Tomas, Puerto Rico, and Grand Turk. These places were so beautiful! everywhere you went it was white sand and clear blue ocean! So this post is going to be a quick one because im not at home and i want to post pictures of the cruise so i will give you a quick insight of what we did then post pictures with more details later! There was a group of 20 people that all went on the cruise with us, most were friends of my moms, but it was all good because i got along with everyone and we all had a blast. My aunt and cousin from Texas came out with us, which was so great! i really love my cousin and we get along great so it was good to have a whole week to spend together.

Well here are some highlights of the trip!
-going to Miami and walking around the board walk ( this is the farthest east i have ever been! and it was so pretty!)
-eating all the free food you want! and it was all delicious!
-watching and singing karaoke everynight! it was a blast and met lots of fun people!
-going snorkiling with sting rays! i held one, and fed it! also saw a barcuda while i was snorkling!
-spending a awesome week with my mom!
-laying out by some of the most beautiful beaches i have ever seen!
-learning to play some new games! L,R,C and 1 to 100! very fun games
-meeting lots of interesting people on the ship, and making a few new friends.
-seeing tons of drunk people nad realizing how happy i am to be LDS.
-being flashed by a drunk girl, not really a highlight but it had a pretty funny story to go along with it.
-getting a tan and being in warm weather!
-going to Puerto Rico! it was by far my favorite spot, it is so gorgeous and i could spend a whole week there! i want to go back!
-i loved all the towel animals i got on my bed each night! they were so cute!
-many more fun things.

Sorry this is a random post, im still coming off my high of a great trip, and havent' quite come back to reality yet. but i can say i am happy to be home with my husband i missed him so much and the trip would of been 100 times greater if he was with me.
ok i will post pics later!

This is my first post ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my first post and I really have nothing to say except I feel really gay typing this. Chelsea, Sarah, Ben and all of their correlating spouses, this post is for you. Fin.

Christmas and New Years!

Warning: long post and lots of pictures!!!

I know this is a late post, but better late than never right? well i guess i will catch everyone up on how our Christmas and New Years went. so we had a very short but sweet Christmas break, all of Jesse's family was in Maryland, so we got to spend Christmas with my family this year, which was great! we had to work on christmast eve so we drove up once we got off work, we made it there in super fast i swear our 3hour drive only took us 2hrs and we weren't even speeding! haha so yeah we got to my families house just in time to head to the movie theater to go see Avatar, we drove to the theater in payson to find out it was closed, whoops, we checked online for the times but the forgot to mention they were closed on christmas eve, so we went home and watched the christmas 1st presidency special which was really nice, then we watched the new Star Trek which jesse loves! it ended up being a nice relaxing evening. we all got new PJ's which is a christmas tradition in my family, so we were all cuddled up for our movies. well the next morning we slept in till like 9am me and jesse could of slept longer haha but my little sister is so antsy she couldnt' wait to open gifts. but before we would let her go down we had to do the traditional picture on the stairs! haha i know we are all grown up but i still love it, because its one family picture we get before the crazyness of the day takes over. so once that was done we went in to open gifts. me and jesse were the christmas elves this ear and passed out all the gifts. it was a really great day, me and jesse got my parents old stereo system with speakers adn a 5 dvd changer. which is awesome! we got an awesome picture my dad took and framed, jesse got the router he has wanted for a long time and is so excited to start wood working again. I got some ugg like boots i know they are ugly but they keep my feet so warm, and my feet are always freezing so its nice to have warm feet. i got a jacket, camera, and shirt from jesse for christmas, and jesse got two really nice jackets from me, and transformers and a few games. I got lots of clothes from my mom and dad, and some gift cards so i coudl get stuff for my cruise (which i leave for on saturday!!!) i was able to buy and new swim suit and skirt and shirt with them! i also got some sweet hot pink converse shoes, and jesse got bright blue ones that he loves. we got other stuff but i wont bore you with the details~! we had amazing quish and cinnamin rolls for breakfast, and ham for dinner. then next day we went and saw Avatar then headed up to my Aunt Traci's in Ogden to exchange gifts with them, it was really good seeing them i really miss my family and its hard living three hours away so i really love it when i get to see them. the rest of the weekend was really relaxing, roxy and snoopy played like crazy! and roxy was so tired she slept the whole way home which was really nice. well for new years we stayed home and watched teh star trek movies jesse got for chirstmas, yes my husband is a trekie but i love him for it! :) then the next day we went to dinner with our friends sarah and jacoby, we ate at chilies and had our friend Ty as a waiter, it was delicious! well thats about all we did for our holidays but it was fun.

So i finished my NCLEX review, and my Transcripts are being mailed to DOPL and i will have my Authorization to Test by the end of the week. what this means is that i can sign up to take my state boards, once i pass my boards i will be an  official nurse! im so scared to take the test thought! its a 6hour test and you could take 75 or 250 questions, you dont know if you pass for about 48hours, and it is the hardest test i will ever have to take! This is what i have been working towards for teh past 4 years! once i pass this test i will be able to relax! i have been studying hard and keep telling myself i will pass but im still scared and anxious, but im smart and i know i can do it. everyone pray for me nad wish me luck! im hoping to take the test when i get back from my cruise, so yes teh cruise will be a blast but i will definanlty be studying on my down time!

my beautiful mom and Santa Paws Roxy

me and jesse in our pj's and me and alex in ours. haha yes mine are eeyore.

our traditional stair picture, adam doesnt look happy! haha and jesse loves his waterbottle he takes it everywhere.
my new straightner and Jesse's star trek movie he is so happy!

my new shirt and hat, which i ended up trading alex for hers haha!

I love my family!

Our new cocoa latte maker we love it thanks Aunt Kelly!

The Picture my dad took and framed for us i love it!

Sexy Husband!