6 days!

6 days till i retake my NCLEX!! so nervous but feeling more confident this time! wish me luck!

good weekend

so last night we went to our friends Mike and Shelly's house for dinner, we met up with Terri, Bryan and there two kids Emma and Nathan. it was a great night of playing games, eating great food, and delicious cake bon bons! mmm... my mouth is watering just thinking about them. so delicious! i must say that i LOVE these two families, i have known them since before i got married and they have always been good to me and my family! mike and Shelly have 2 wonderful children Madi and Logan they are the cutest little kids ever. and Emma and Nathan i have known since they were tiny! Emma has always been my little pal, and when our family's would go camping we would always play, or i would do her hair. i just love these kids and there parents. I feel so grateful to have great friends down here that treat me and Jesse like family. It gets hard being away from mine and jesse's family so it's really nice knowing i have someone to go to if i need anything! speaking of Jesse's family, his mom, sister and her husband are coming down this weekend to celebrate Easter with us! im very excited to see them! I miss my niece Paisley! she is the cutest girl ever and so fun to be around. i just know its going to be another great weekend.


on a more educational note, i take my NCLEX 2 weeks from today! so scary! I started the Kaplan Review today and i can already tell that it is going to help me out so much! I know that im going to pass it this time, i feel that this Kaplan Review is what i need to help me with my test taking anxiety and how to answer the questions correctly! so im very grateful to be taking it!!

any-who hope all is going well and that everyone enjoys  general conference this weekend!

1 more day!

Only 1 more day till my husband comes home! yay he has been gone for a week. he went out to maryland to visit his sister Chelsea. he is having a blast and im so glad he got to go, but im ready for him to come home, ive been so bored this week! and im getting lonely! 1 more night of no husband than he will be here yay!!!

job interview

So I got a call this morning, from Kolob Rehabilitation Center in St. George for a Interview! i was so excited i got ready adn headed down there, started the interview adn they lady was ready to hire me until she found out i had already taken the NCLEX and what that means is that i can't get a temporary license because once you test they wont let you get it until you pass it. so she had to say no. it was a sad day! but she said that if i call her in april after i pass my test and she has an opening she will give me the job! so at least i got my foot in the door somewhere. it jsut sucks, i wish i would of known about that rule, but oh well. at least i got practice interviewing!

im so sick of being sick!

So for the last week and a half i have gone to bed sick, and woken up with a massive migraine! im so tired of being sick, i just feel like blah, and have no motivaion to do anything because all i want to do is sleep! ugh stupid life, i just want it to be warm out and for me to feel better!

late valentines day post!

So i know this is really late, but considering that i was freaking out the past 2 weeks, i think its ok that i post this late! so me and jesse didnt do anything to big this year for valentines day because we are really poor! but we did make it a goal to go to the temple, so we went on Saturday. it was really nice, it has been so long since we have gone, i forgot how amazing you feel afterwards. I really needed to go and feel the spirit, while we were there i got this overwhelming feeling of comfort and peace, and an answer to my prayers, I had been praying really hard that i would pass my test and that everything would work out for me and Jesse. Well while in the celestial room i got a very strong feeling that things were going to work out and i felt very comforted and confident for my test. well seeing as i failed my test, i was questioning these feelings and was a little angry that my answer wasn't in the way that i wanted it to be. during this past week i had the opportunity to talk to my parents and my bishop and they helped me to realize that this is an answer, jsut not the one i wanted and that i need to look at the bigger picture, that maybe i didn't pass this test because i need to grow spiritually, (because honestly me and jesse haven't been as active as we should be) or that maybe the lord is paving the way for a job, or a way for us to stay in Cedar longer. My dad and bishop (both great men) told me to keep remember the feeling i had in the temple and trust in the lord. well i have been doing that and reading my scriptures and i do feel so much better about the situation, i know that i am capable of passing this test and that i will do it the next time. and that as long as i trust in the lord and stay close to him everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

Sorry that was a longer sidenot than i thought. now back to what we did for our valentines date. so we went to the temple had a great time and after we met up with our friend Amy and Mike and went to eat at the Mongolia BBQ! which is amazing so yummy! then on sunday i made this really yummy crock pot enchiladas (thank you julie for the recipe) Mike and Amy came back over to eat with us then we played some games and they left. then me and jesse played a game of Left for Dead, haha i know zombie game, but its so much fun and what a good way to relieve some stress! i love killing me some zombies!

So that was our Valentines day weekend. this week i have been working lots, helping jesse out at work, but that wont be for much longer because i got to start studying again! but tonight i got in the craft mood, and made a picture frame for my M-I-L and a birthday gift for my sister in law but i will have to wait to post that ;) but yeah im glad to be feeling happy again, and i know jesse is glad to have me back to normal too! he is such a great husband, he watched plenty of chickflicks with me, and got me ice cream, adn some new scriptures (they were my valentines day suprise!) which i love them all!!

oh i also dyed my hair, i dont know if you can really tell, it is a lot lighter but i dont know if the pictures do it justice, its not as light as i would like to go, but one day i will get there.

Everything will be ok....someday.

So on tuesday i took my NCLEX exam. the way the test it done is you either take a minimum of 75 questions or you can take the max of 265. or they stop you in between somewhere. well i was a lucky one to take all 265 questions. it took me 4.5 hours to test, and i felt really confident about my test until question 180 when i realized i would probably be taking the whole test. now this test is the worst test you will ever take. you go in scared out of your mind and you come out feeling like you failed.  well i was trying to stay positive during the test and i was doing ok, it was when i started to get repeat questions and when they kept asking me the same things that i started to lose my confidence. man this test really just kills your soul, you lose all motivation, confidence, and faith in yourself. so i took the test, left feeling like i failed, went back to the hotel saw my mom and started balling.

well the past two night were hard because you dont know how you did, and i was freaking out, i really didnt feel like i passed it, but i kept telling myself i did. well today was the day i got to find out how i did. well i have been home alone since jesse is at work, i know i should of waited for him to get home to find out, but i just needed to know. well i looked and I failed, my whole world came crushing down on me hard. I immediatly started balling, (still am) im so mad at myself, disappointed in myself, im sorry i let my family down. i know they wont say that i did, but i feel like i did. im just so tired of failing, i feel like i have had so many trials this past year with school i dont know if i can handle this last one. i really just wanted a break, i wanted to see that i passed and that i can now go find a job and be a nurse. but i shouldn't of gotten my hopes up because i suck at taking test, i have horrible test anxiety, even with meds i dont do well. i just wish i would of passed so that i could be happy and my family could be proud. I just am so sick of failing, i know this isnt' the end of the world but it sure feels like it. I know i need to be grateful for the fact that i did graduate, and i am. I am so grateful for the opportuinity i have had to go to school and get my degree, but its hard to feel grateful when you dream doesnt come true right away. I know this will be some huge learning experience for me, and that the lord probably has some lesson he wants me to learn, but why can't i jsut have one good thing happen to me right now? i feel like all we get are trials and struggles. we have a hard enought time paying our bills, that me passing my boards and getting a job would of been a huge blessing to us. but i guess i will have to wait. i know things will work out one day, i just wish it was today. im sorry this is so depressing it just is how i feel right now, i really just want to curl up into a ball, and stay there forever. I just am having a hard time seeing the light in this. i keep thinking that maybe this is a sign that i shoudln't be a nurse, i think back on all the struggles i have had during the nursing program and maybe i wasn't supposed to do this. but this is what i know i am meant for! i know im supposed to be a nurse i knwo im supposed to help people! that is just who i am. but why does it have to be so hard? i just want a break i want some thing good to happen to me and jesse. im sorry im wallowing but i need to vent, i need to cry i need to freak out, or else i dont know how i will face the next 45 days until i can test again.